Honestly, I don’t know how to handle my dad anymore . What’s the right thing to do? Do I teach out first? Do I want for him to come to me? I don’t even know. He’s the only family I have. He’s 71 and stubborn as F. And that may never ever change. But I really don’t want to be the one to reach to out. Because I do know what will happen when I do. I’m not in a good place to deal with that right now. Is it ok to protect myself for the time being? Or do I just give in for the sake of peace. That’s usually what I do. But i legit do not want to do that right now. And I feel like a crappy person for that.
As far as that kid. Oy vey. I do believe it’s normal to separate on a level from the parent the person she loves the most to establish an identity . It really truly is brutal. She’s just so mean about it. When I say I do everything for her, I mean take her to do what she wants, let friends come over, vice versa, order in what she wants, blow dry her hair straight when she asks ( 45 min process) that kind of stuff. I do not do her chores. She has been doing her own laundry since atleast 10. And that is unpaid and a part of picking up her rent to live here, lol. To earn money to get her nails done and her job is the dishes. She gets additional jobs to make more money if she chooses. She cleaned her room yesterday and swept and mopped the kitchen because she wanted more money. Getting her to do any of this is like torture, though. But I won’t do it for her. If I go grocery shopping she has to come outside and help me with the bags and put the groceries away. I can’t run this household without her pitching in . And I shouldn’t have to. She is just nasty and says mean snarky condescending things. Example, I was doing a wash and I asked her if she wanted to put her hoodies in them. She did. I put the laundry in at night and switched it over in the morning. She’s looking for said hoodie and says “ ugh, you left everything in the wash forever, are you going to wait forever to dry it?” Um, I did switch it, and I said “who the F do you think you are talking to?!?” Its comments like this constantly. It’s like living with my ex husband quite honestly. Maybe where she learns it from? Just something mean and uncalled for and disrespectful all the time. I explained the proper question was “mom, is my sweatshirt dry yet?”
I just really never hear a kind word at all anymore. I do take things away, but the one thing I don’t take away is time with her friends, because rarely gets it anymore and I think the more she doesn’t have it the worse she will be. However, she did ask to have her friends over next Monday and I said we will have to see.
She did text me at 11pm last night “ love you”
And I know she does. I’ve went through every stage of her life with no one to here to relate to, to discuss with, to support me, to back me up. I’ts really difficult to do alone your whole kids life. And it’s a way different dynamic than having 2 parents in a household. There are 2 adults at her dads house and only one here. And even though no one else would ever father my kid, at least when I had someone to just escape with or give me a little support, compassion, understanding, and love, it’s a little easier.
I was thinking about how my mother made it only to 47 on pain until she took her own life. I am 7 years off that age. It gives me the chills.
Ahhh. Anyways, thanks for the vent and advice. It’s me and the dog tonight, I’m going to cook some dinner and continue with my house projects. Tomorrow is another day
