New to the club

[97Hope]

I'm dealing with that at the moment as well. X introduced the OW as just an "old friend", new GF.

The older kids see through it, they remember things that I had no idea they knew, but the 19 y/o isn't facing it yet. He's "standing by his dad" in his words.

I don't shield them from anything, but I don't help X dig his grave. I've removed myself from it. At this point I don't even discuss it with the older boys - as I told them, it doesn't have anything to do with me, and I need to keep it that way, for my life going forward, and detachment. S19 makes passing references, but that's about it.

Have told them all they have to make choices with regards to R with their Dad but it's not mine to interfere, just love them and respect their choices.

My best advice, is always be honest. Don't ever cover for them. It destroys the trust that your boys have in YOU, making it your issue.

I did give them each time to ask me questions - about the timeline etc. Some people will just say stay out of it, the truth will out, but I think you know your sons. For mine, they were just as shocked as I was and the truth made them realize that they weren't crazy.

My X went off on me one time because my S22 asked if he had moved out and I confirmed. At that point, X tried to made me the issue. You may have to deal with that at some point, but stand your ground.

So - honesty above all. Kids can deal with that - any lies or deceit will damage relationships. Even if it's to "protect' them.

You will be ok. I am and I was a total mess!

*re: 'boy' friend. Mine is dating probably the most unlikely person. The kids are shocked and even not knowing at first she was OW were just blown away. She's beyond inappropriate (not in age, she has other issues). I know you know this, but truly - it isn't about you.