How am I going to do this? Should I do this? (2)

[CanBird]

Hi Mar252, I just got myself familiar with your situation and I've been on this emotional roller coaster too. It's a tough ride. Thank goodness for this forum! It literally saved me, and it sounds like you're getting some good advice to get you through this wild ride.

Sandi's Rules are great. I printed out my favorite ones, and had them handy to read whenever I needed a boost. And when XH was no longer in the home, I had sticky notes all over, would write on my mirror with erasable marker, words of encouragement. *I need to add more words* My latest is SUCCESS. To me it is the greatest revenge. I wouldn't tell D4 that, but would say it's something we work towards; a goal. Setting personal goals.

GAL... I got on this forum pre-Covid, so a lot has changed as far what activities you can do. But the point is to keep yourself busy. No matter what it is. Make a list and get to it girl! FOCUS on YOU. *I had that on my mirror at one time* I may be telling you things you already know, but I can't stress it enough how important it is to FOCUS on YOUrself more and less on what W is doing. It's hard, I know. Of course you are going to learn things about your W and the OW and make note of whatever details you need to, but treat it as business. Document it, close the file and return as needed. Don't dig any deeper. Don't dwell on them; FOCUS ON YOU.

"The past is history, tomorrow is a mystery, and today is a gift which is why we call it the present".

BE PRESENT when you are taking time for yourself. What things make you happy? Think back to your childhood, or times in the past when you had a hobby or did an activity that brought you joy. Or take up something new. I may be telling you something you already know, but when you're on this roller coaster, you need to remind yourself to take care of you. BE PRESENT in the things you do for yourself.

For me in my situation, I was lucky to find this forum before the first BD, and I handled it calmly. I have never exploded at XH. Sure I might vent about him to people I trust, and I might vent on a piece of paper, but I've always taking the high road of love. I LOVED his person so much that I LET GO. *I'm crying as I type this*... I let him go to take whatever journey he needed to do because in the end, I never what to be with someone that doesn't want to be with me. That's not love. Love is letting go. I did, and I stood by while working on myself. In the end, we divorced. Not what I wanted, but I loved this person enough to let them go. I still love this person; care for their wellbeing, I don't hate, I don't like what they did or like the fact that they've literally disappeared, but I LOVE myself more to let all of their stuff go. Sure I have moments that upset me, but I try not to stay there or GAL (Go And Live... that's my version of gal).

WOW I've said a lot... hope some of this helps in someway. OH, when it comes to what to say to people, one thing that I wish I would have done was confided in my friends and family sooner. Although I had support here, at the time I wasn't ready and was standing for change, that in the end never happened. Now, most know the full story, (but I haven't shared that xh had an affair with my dad.. my only living parent). If you don't want to talk about your situation, simply say I'd rather not talk about it. I wouldn't lie either. Nothing wrong with not sharing details. You've had some personal things to take care of. And quickly change the subject. You don't have to tell anyone anything, but it feels good to have someone to confide in.

Okay... that's all for now.. you got me on my first cup of coffee of the day..lol...

Be Well and Hang in there.

Keep On Keeping ON (( ))