Just got a call from the W for the first time in over a week. She called to tell me that she would not be able to pick me up from the airport when I arrive on Friday. She asked me to make other arrangements. I just said ok. Gave me an excuse revolving around work. It was all total BS. She and I never discussed the specifics of my flight. She has no idea what time I will be arriving or to which airport. We never agreed that she would be coming to get me in the first place. I believe, she just wanted to make sure I wasn't expecting her to do so.
Good job on just saying "ok". That was awesome. Incredible restraint!! Also - great job on seeing through the BS early. I did not have this wisdom in early days!
Originally Posted by Mar252
She then proceeded to have a totaling normal conversation with me about work, asked about my parents & sister, she talked about the house. We were on the phone for almost an hour and it was primarily a one sided conversation. I answered all of her questions, validated and just listened. She was acting as if everything was totally normal between us. I just kept shaking my head and didn't know what to say to her.
I hope more vets comment here, so PLEASE take this with a grain of salt. IMO - you don't have to have "normal" conversations. You will have to decide that to do for yourself.
My advice: Keep convos brief and to the point. It doesn't sound like this 1 hour convo was good for you emotionally. Maybe stick to texting - you are so busy GAL and all - and only respond to texts that are questions.
No matter what is going on - you have the right to do what is best for you.
Again - incredible strength on your part just listening and validating. Hoping more vets jump in.
Originally Posted by Mar252
She also mentioned she was definitely going away for the weekend in April. This is a trip she had discussed with me a couple of weeks prior to our separation. I expressed Covid concerns and she told me she wasn't worried as she has already tested positive and will be receiving the vaccine this week (she is a health care worker). This is the kicker, she mentioned that the accommodations were only $700. If my memory serves me correctly, when she first talked about going $695 was for a double occupancy and $850 for single. If I am not mistaken, she booked a double occupancy before we were separated which means she is going with OW and planned to do so prior to BD.
I'm sorry. (((Mar)))) See a L asap and keep track of what is spent with regards to OW. While courts usually don't care a whole lot re adultery - most times when marital funds are used to sponsor an affair - there is recourse for the LBS.
Originally Posted by Mar252
This is absolutely effing crazy. Based on that phone call sounds like she is looking to act totally normal and be friendly while we are doing our in-house separation. I am going to have to read Sandi's rules 100 times a day to remind me to act appropriately. She fired me as her wife and I feel she is totally moving on as if the last 22 years didn't exist.
She is acting as if. Read more stories here if you are able (but don't spend all your time!) you will see that in a lot of cases not only do they act like it never exist - they either treat the LBS like total garbage or (like in my case) continue on like they aren't blowing our families up in the process and everything is butterflies and unicorns.
Originally Posted by Mar252
To all the LBS out there, how long before you filed for divorce?
This needs to be YOUR boundary.
Mine was OW. I refused to stay married or consider R with OW involved. If that is not your boundary then you file when you are ready. People will say you will know when. I filed because I read an email where my X intended to file - I beat him to the punch based on my L's advice. He wanted it in our jurisdiction.
No matter what - see if you can get a consult with an attorney. The sooner the better so you are protected. It concerns me that she is spending marital funds for her vacay with OW and seeing nothing wrong with that. But will be to your advantage because it's one less thing that will make you feel crazy. When they lie and cover it up and pretend there is no one else - it's just a different kind of mind*F*
You did great, Mar. Stay strong and keep up with as many GAL activities that you can. Breathe, drink water and exercise.
You will get through this no matter what.
ME47 XH44, S28 S24 S19
8/17-BD IHS: 1/17-2/19 D FILED (ME): 7/19 D FINAL: 10/20 M23 T25 OW CONFIRMED: 01/21
Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.
