It’s not about her, it’s about me. It’s about me feeling stronger, seeing her more clearly, and realizing what has happened here.
Back in 2014 I went through a horrifying time at work and was on the brink of depression. She was not supportive of me and when given the chance would say “I told you not to do that at work” as opposed to “how can I help?” In the heals of that she had an affair, which further destroyed my self worth (making it really hard for me to stand up for myself). Then after the affair, for three years she effectively black mailed me continually with threats of divorce and withholding sex. Control and manipulation were her hallmarks. She then accused me of these things as well as of being a narcissist (which more clearly defines her).
I hadn’t spoken to her in seven weeks about “us.” Hearing the things she said, how she tried to rip me down and control and manipulate me gave me clarity. I don’t want to be with someone like that. She is not the prize.
This may be a setback for reconciliation but this was a huge step forward for Scott. I feel like I’m finally getting it.
I’m free, I can do what I want with my kids, I can hang out with my friends the way I want, I can have friends over, I’m not under constant scrutiny. I’m not going back to that crap. I know i still need to recover and get stronger, especially when it comes to dealing with her, but I’m moving to a space where I can say that what is happening in my life is what i want to happen in my life. I don’t want to be with the woman i was married to. She’ll have to change if she wants me back. And if she doesn’t want to change, I’ll find someone else if I want to and I don’t think I will make these mistakes again.
My DB coach has been implying/asking, when is Scott going to say enough is enough. I think i understand what he was saying. I’ll keep working on it, but I’m feeling empowered.
I hope this is true. All I know is that you were freaking out over your daughter wanting to stay with your W during the lacrosse game, and then the next post is following an R talk with her. (What happened with that, by the way.) I hope you're being honest with yourself here, but what I see is a poster that has been looking for a reason to have the "one more chance" talk for weeks, and I feel the feelings that her text about your D staying with her instead of going to the lacrosse game caused pushed you over the edge to do it. And you've convinced yourself it was the right thing to do, and are rationalizing it to us. I pray I'm wrong, but that is my observation.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
