NOT waiting for him to 'snap out of it' or 'be the man I married'.
I accept him for who he is, but I do not accept the behaviors to or towards me - I removed myself from his life.
No enabling - I'm not his shoulder to cry on. (I slipped up a little a few days ago.)
Complete honesty (I don't approve of his behavior) without judgement or condemnation. I said what I said and quit talking about it.
Accepting who I am (or NOT) in his life now. I'm part of his past. I can't act like his friend, confidant, source of comfort etc.
Respecting that he gets to make his own choices even though I can see him driving off a cliff. (this is HARD!!! and takes time and work!!)
Focusing on myself and my own issues and continue to do the work to be AWOAFWL.
NOT dependent on him for ANYTHING. Emotional, financial, physical. I do not 'need' him to meet my needs. I am fully capable of taking care of myself. Taking responsibility for my own feelings and needs.
Not being co-dependent! (this is a whole list on it's own). Since we married as teenagers, this was tough!
I don't cover for him, or get in the way of his relationships with our family (3 sons, 2 DILs and 3 1/2 grands).
Respect him as a person - even though I've lost all respect for his behavior. This can be how I speak about him (or avoid speaking about him) to friends & family. This is still being firm but kind when we do have to communicate.
Not leading him on anymore or being available. That's the most loving thing I can do right now.
ME47 XH44, S28 S24 S19
8/17-BD IHS: 1/17-2/19 D FILED (ME): 7/19 D FINAL: 10/20 M23 T25 OW CONFIRMED: 01/21
Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.
