My husband is a lunatic!

[Joe2017]

Listening and validating his beliefs is one of the best tools you have. You will have to fight every urge in your body to argue with him.

Things that work are counter-intuitive. When in doubt, do nothing and come here for ideas.

This is very important early on, because what we WANT to do in this situation is what might have worked for us in the past when our relationship wasn't injured.

Right now, your relationship is not healthy so what used to work during conflicts will not now. Read everything in the welcome post above. When you don't know what to do, just excuse yourself from the situation with non-committal words and then ask for help here, like R2C said above.

You might be close to losing him, or you may have already lost him. Right now it is hard to tell because you will only be getting half-truths from him. That's normal.

I hope that your read of the situation between him and this other person is accurate, and that they have not started an affair. When a marriage reaches that stage, it is very difficult.

Listen, no matter what happens to your marriage YOU will be OK. No matter what happens to your marriage, your kids will be OK. It will take time, but you will be. And your kids will be.

Breathe. Look up 4x4 or box breathing online and use conscious breathing exercises.

There are no quick solutions to this, so try to prepare for this to take a long time. It's scary, but it will be OK.