Leaving it behind.

[97Hope]

Right!! But I can choose to disengage and then it's on OW to perceive me how she will and X in how he moved forward without me.

LH - your questions/comments have really made me dig deep.

Something that came to my mind while working though this - X had said to me at one point "You are a real impediment to anyone I would have a relationship with in the future. I've loved you my whole life and will until the day I die. She would have to accept that."

In my mind at the time, I kind of blew it off. (believe none of what they say..etc.)

But I know for a fact that if I called him right now he would rush over and be here. That, he has been consistent in. There isn't anything he wouldn't do for me at this point if I asked. And that's been the weirdest thing through this whole process.

Instead of giving me the warm fuzzies...it just reminds me that he isn't trust worthy or safe. He left me to be with someone else (for whatever reason) but continues to try and remain my BFF.

Don't know if it's part of MLC or what but he won't stop talking to anyone and everyone about the past. Our past. His coworkers do not even know that we are divorced unless I tell them. A lady at my DIL's office said that he still talks about me like we are still married.

More than cake eating - it's like he wants to keep me as a trophy - while seeing other women. Break from reality, IMO. Pretty messed up and I don't want to be a part of that. Even peripherally.

All of this makes me so grateful to be in my own safe little world out of the chaos he invites into his life. Now I just need to stay the course and not invite him back in.

These are good reminders to not engage if/when it comes up again.

x