Still taking it a day at a time (2)

[may22]

Hope, thank you... that helps and I know you're right. And OMG, I'm so sorry you had to go through that as a child. That is really terrible and my heart goes out to the baby you, dealing with all of this. (((Hope)))

The reason I want to let go of any feelings towards AP is that I just really don't want her taking up any of my mental bandwidth. I don't like having rage in my body and head. It is a very uncomfortable feeling for me. I think she's gross and I want a life that doesn't involve her one bit. Not me trying to be zen master for the sake of it. Purely selfish on my part.

Of course what I really want is a life that never involved her in the first place. I've been spending some time here the last day or two in my head, p!ssed all over again at my H for being such a complete d!ldo. Ugh. And trying to reconcile somewhat the fact that he DID those things but he isn't DOING them now, how to not take my anger at the past out on the present. We can't go back and change things that happened, as much as we might wish we could. I guess I still just have a ways to go here.