Little Gerda Goes Forward with Courage and Safety

[Rita]

Was the sump pump burnt out and needed replacing? Did you manage to salvage and reuse the subfloor panels?

A guy was coming to look at the mini split that is still not installed (long annoying stupid story possibly leading to return of minisplit but maybe you can put on the green cape and fly over here to install it). So I asked him to take a look. He kicked the lid just like you said and WHOOSH all the water went up the pipe. I haven't been able to go back in two weeks, it was rented, but cleaner for renters said it looked dry so hopefully all is okay. The plumbing/heating guy with the magic foot touch said he thought I'd need a new sump pump within the next year. That one must be at least ten years old and doesn't have that kind of top that really seals. Haven't worked on the floor yet. I need to get up there without the kids though now that S15 is snowboarding, he's at least off at the mountain when we go there.

G More importantly: Did you play some games with the kids?

I didn't do games yet. But I did do a movie night with D11 and have been going on long walks at night through downtown and along the river, very beautiful. We've got games and movies planned for Monday (MLK Day) though. I have been trying to take a little time to be more focused on her and not always trying to do a million things at once.

Most importantly: Did you bake me a pan full of Nanaimo bar?

Yes, I did. I was sitting here like an a$$ waiting for you so I had to eat the whole platter.

Meanwhile, back at the LBS ranch --

I am giving a very short version of this story, but I decided to send H a snail mail note every week or two, asking him to settle in various ways. I like to make my own envelopes out of magazine pages, they look really pretty when you mail them, so I even decided to do that. For the first one, I wrote a very clear and succinct note about why I couldn't sell the house without radically changing the kids lives (because I wouldn't have enough left to buy a place in our neighborhood or possibly even our city) and that I wasn't trying to screw him, just to pay him slowly so that I could do what was best for the kids by keeping them home. I also pointed to the fact that he wanted his money fast but that trial, even if it went his way, was not going to be fast. The courts here are backed up by literally YEARS at this point.

He is, as you all know, very intellectual and writes about poetry, so I included two heady and beautiful poems I found about peace which explained that the peace I was seeking was the "peace of dry bones," in other words -- that this was a deathly situation and the peace wasn't going to mean me winning. This sounds like it was long but it was quite succinct. Oh, and I also cut and pasted an 18th century painting about the "parable of the unforgiving servant." I mailed it and never thought he would respond. I figured I would have to write these letters for months and months before hearing back.

Oh and I also subpeoned his tax return because he filed fraudently, pretending that he didn't own any property or earn any rents, was head of household -- and claimed one kid. And the kid he claimed..... S15!!! The one he hasn't seen or spoken to since May, 2019!!!! So weird. He can't claim either, I have full physical custody and get ZERO CHILD SUPPORT so far, but he could have pretended he thought he could claim D, since she sees him and stays over. But S15? Delusional! The court wrote to his L saying that tax returns were basic discovery and was he going to cough it up or did they really have to sign the subpoena, so that's how I got it.

ANYHOO, a week went by so I started my next letter but hadn't finished it yet, and H texts me! He thanks me for the letter and says he would be willing to try mediation!!!!

Well, shiver me timbers!

I sent him the name of one mediator I liked and then a few hours later sent another, thinking he would want a choice. He writes back that he already contacted the first one and that he would be happy to work with whomever I hired and wasn't going to look for one -- meaning he wasn't gonna pay for it or vet them.

So tonight I write to the first one asking if he got the sense that H would do a session, and he writes back that he just spoke to H and that H was willing to do it under certain conditions, please give him a call.

If you are following this rather boring tale, you will notice that H LIED ABOUT TALKING TO THE MEDIATOR YESTERDAY. Why do they lie about such stupid stuff?!

OK, so his conditions --

1. He won't go into a session WITH me. He will only do it shuttle style, meaning that the mediator talks to him, then talks to me, then goes back to him, etc.
2. He won't use Zoom, only phone. (I guess he remembers my photo of his cereal eating with the judge!)
3. He won't pay a dime for it.
4. He will continue to litigate against me while it's happening.

Ah, peace.

BUT -- after almost three years, he is willing to try mediation.

So let's go with that as a sign of progress.

But I would love to hear what this all sounds like from your vantage point, and by "your," I mean all y'all!