Steve_Treading Water

[LH19]

So Steve as usual that was a tough read.

She asked for time to figure herself out, she said she doesn't want to be with anyone and wants to be alone for awhile.

So this starts out great. That is what she should be doing which includes IC.

I encouraged that and told her that it is very important that she does take some time to figure herself out.

Perfect response from you so you are off to a good start. But.................

She told me she doesn't want to divorce me but needs to be alone and not with anyone for awhile. I told her that if she plans on dating, seeing other men, living a single party life sleeping with others than I would prefer to continue the divorce. She told me she has 0% interest in other men and she apologized for destroying my life,

So this sounds like a boundary. What are the consequences when she breaks the boundary?

She told me that she realized that no other person will ever love our kids like I do

WTF? Took her that long to realize that no man would love your kids more then you????

She seems remorseful and regretful more than she has been.

What does that look like?

She also seems respectful and is not attempting to just pick up where we left off.

How is she being respectful? Being true to her word and taking it slow?

I know that our M is broken, she is broken, at this time I have become used to the fact that she is lost and nobody can do anything for her but time and reality.

Sooooooo time and space?????????????

She asks that we spend time together as friends and go from there and rebuild our relationship the right way I told her I will not accept strictly platonic friends and If she is not interested on working on the M there is no reason to stay married.

I thought she needed time alone to figure herself out????????????

She agreed to my terms on not seeing others and working on the M slowly over time.

Wow. That was awful nice of her. But again, sounds like a boundary, What happens when she breaks it?

She has asked me to spend time with her and the kids daily since she moved in, I have spent some time with them but I do not stay when she asks me to stay.

Oh spend time together daily. What happened to slow and figuring herself out?

I know that she will need to do some serious internal work but she has agreed to therapy and to just work on herself for now.

But your affectionate and seeing each other daily. When is her first appt?

I have no expectations of her, I feel like I will be let down. I do not expect her to change and I expect to be D'd a year from now simply because I wont tolerate disrespect anymore or any OM. So we will see.

You are a wise man Steve.