Ok, thanks for the advice. I feel stupid about asking so basic questions, but anyhow - new territory for me.
Never feel stupid for asking us questions, b/c that cuts down confusion and keeps you on target.
IMHO, a lot of newcomers not only have to change their actions, but they have to change their way of thinking. What I mean is to adapt a better mindset about yourself and how you approach life. I think it's a real challenge for those who have NGS, b/c it basically comes from how they feel or view things. Respect seems to be put on the back shelf, b/c they had rather be "liked" by others. They have trouble enforcing tough love b/c of their "need" to do soft actions to cause the other person to like them. Whenever it comes to MR, or any other relationship in life, "respect" must be the bottom line or people see you as a pushover. A nice guy........but a pushover. You may have very likeable ways, but when it comes to being a man and the husband of a wife, you have to show self respect or she'll take you down! She'll try to walk all over you, and if you don't stop it, it will kill your MR. The W cannot feel desire for her H if she doesn't respect him as a man. That is the link!!!
I've noticed that most of the newcomers who have NGS, seem to think that the way to solve the problems comes by discussions with their spouse. I get it, b/c that was always my way of dealing with issues. Here's the thing, however, by this time, you come to the board ........most discussions will fail to solve the issues the MR face. So, what do you do? You let your actions speak.
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I gave her two options that we can discuss on Tue: 1. She takes the guest bed and I pay her the full price of the remaining furniture. That way she can get furniture together that fits the new apartment and make it her own and we skip the moving pain of most things.
This is an example of a nice-guy in action, IMHO. You may see it as being fair, but I assure you it is giving her the best of both sides of the street. She just wants to be buddies with you, but no sex. So, you offer her the guest bedroom and you'll pay for the furniture. How long do you think it will take her to find the apartment to her liking? Why should she be any rush when she has a good setup at your place? Perhaps you are thinking she'll change her mind while in the guest bedroom......but it won't affect her lack of sexual desire for you. She wants you as her BFF, not lover. So you offer her your guest bedroom? Hello Mr. Nice Guy!
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2. We make a list of things we want to keep and then discuss.
I fail to see the option of the #1 and #2. Shouldn't the option be in where she'll be staying?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
