Finding the man I want to be, alone. Pack_19 part3

[Pack_19]

Hi all,

thanks for your support as always. I am busy today at work and the day is going much better than yesterday. S2's teacher sent me a couple of videos of the class dancing and he was on fire, it made my morning!

Have you discussed grief with your IC? Your loss had a big impact on you. IC might recommend a book on the subject or give you advice in what to do on these hard days.

I have never brought it up, she is so focused on the fact that I cannot accept my new reality and how I have lost my family and live in Germany that we barely move on from that. Thanks for the suggestion Sandi, I will do that.

Have you read MWD's "Stop Sign Technique" in DR?

Hi ovrrnbw, yes Seville is quite a place but for a person thriving in the IT world as I am now it is challenging to build a career. The good thing is it has good communication to Madrid and when the time comes I will take any chances that come along the way. I do remember this, it is the technique introduced when avoiding thinking about infidelity as you recover from an affair. I do apply it to all the thoughts of W being with OM but had never thought about doing the same for all the thoughts I have regarding Munich and my current situation.

I had the kids home yesterday, it was a busy day so I could not play with them as much as I would have wanted but they did have a good time home. When I left them with W I forgot to give her one of the backpacks so I called her mobile and the call was rejected, it turns out she left the phone up home where her mom was and she must have done it. I just tell this because it brought me all the ghosts from the many times I tried to call her in the past and she just rejected my calls. I then went to play sports with some friends and had a pizza home to give myself a little treat after a long day.

I dont think about how long it has been since DB anymore, now I want to sell the house in Munich and be free again. I have been thinking a lot about our M, I think I had a very sick way of communicating my worries but that does not mean my worries were reasonable and not those of a person that emotionally beats the other one down as W told me once. Maybe some day I will find a woman who will love the fact that I am a car freak and I want to own more than one, that they will be fast and that I will want to take her places in them. I bet she will not see this as selfish or childish.

Let's continue focused on the PIES and being a great father. Times goes by, I am thinking about when best to file based on my salary changes and the sale of our house, no contact with W and continue to detach and accept I cannot control anything regarding my M and my way out of here.

Thank you all for your support! ((hugs)), Pack