Still taking it a day at a time (2)

[97Hope]

I know, intellectually, that OW is not a pile of dog$hit. She is a sad and sorry individual who made some very selfish (and in the end probably stupid) choices.

I say all this and I don't feel any of the anger or anxiety I felt back then. I still feel grossed out but it is less personal. Anyway, all to say-- while I want to get to a place where I can picture her as a flawed human being worthy of compassion, I am not there yet. I feel there's progress, though-- I no longer think of her as an evil harlot who spent 2.5 years of her life actively working to hurt me and my children, who might pop back up out of the blue like in a horror movie to throw another bomb into my life. So, there's that. And I'm glad I've made the progress I have here and am okay that I'm not to zen master level yet.

Her imprint on my life is still stinky and decomposing, but fading.

As your friend, I will consider her a pile of dog crap not worthy of the bottom of my fabulous shoes and you can forgive her in time, or not. The choice is yours. : )

When I was in therapy - I was dealing with the trauma of being sexually assaulted by a family member. This did me in because they were family, I was a child - so it was confusing when this same person would kiss and hug me at family events and internally I was screaming but I would force myself to "love" them. I even felt guilt for hating them!!

So when I look at your situation (or others like this) - I think about those conflicting feelings and what I would have wanted someone to tell me at age 7. That I didn't have to like them. That I had every right to be angry. That I could hate them for as long as I wanted to - until it was time (healing took place) and I wasn't on fire at the mere mention of them.

My point is - you have every right to despise the OW. She did vile things. We should judge behaviors.

What you decide to do with those feelings are entirely up to you. If you want to forgive, you will get there. That won't mean what she did was ok. And that will not mean she will ever have a place in your life (physically or emotionally).

But if you want to be angry and hate what she did - do so for as long as you need to.


(((may))) xx