I did not want to post, I think, also because I felt the site needs more successes, not failures like mine. I now realize that people can learn from failures better than successes, some of the time. And so long as I tried, I can exit with my head high, in honorable love. There must be a note of triumph in that, a whiff of the laurel wreath, no?
Speaking of growth, my DB can be divided into phases, based on how I read other people's posts:
Phase I. Whenever I saw a divorce, I blamed the LBS. They must have been too judgmental, not enough GAL and 180s, not loving enough, not enough mirror work...
Phase II. I started to understand, as my own pain mounted, what a tremendous feat standing was. How brave and loving all LBSes were. I still had the same reflex to fault the divorced LBS, but I realized that my criticism was rooted in fear that the same fate awaits me.
Phase III. I celebrate each and every post I read as endeavors of the highest good. It gives me joy to contemplate the nobility of trying one's best, no matter the circumstances.
I awoke to what I think of as the truth of the standing journey. It's always been about the LBS. What happens to the marriage is secondary. It is what we become that truly matters. We are all equals and share the same bond of being human, whatever the outcome.
