Leaving it behind.

[may22]

That's terrific, Hope!! So glad you are where you are right now. I definitely think that letting yourself feel the pain and anger is important in the process. No matter what, even though you're better off now, it is still a sad thing and you deserve to let yourself feel those feelings.

what you've written here is great, the truth that you're able to see and accept. What you miss, what you don't miss, what isn't even an option anymore, what feels unfair or wrong and it is more the injustice that is stinging you than really any loss. Where there is still fear. My only advice is to really spend some time thinking about these things and writing them down. Maybe copy them to your phone. Think of a mantra that refers back to them.

In my experience at least, sometimes this feeling can be slippery-- something will happen to knock you back down and having this all very clearly laid out helps to let go a little more quickly the next time. If there are other cues you can associate with how you feel right now-- like where you are in your house, music, food, smells-- anything that you can bring into this space and feeling that you have can help guide you back if it becomes necessary. Think of it like a set of curated, positive triggers.

In the hardest parts to date of my sitch, I had all kinds of little rituals I'd do to center myself. Strength and Patience was a mantra for me and every time I looked at the salt and pepper shakers in my kitchen I'd think, strength and patience. I wrote S&P on my hand where I could look at it during the day when I started to feel anxious. I did deep breathing exercises. I know you're probably way past the need for all of that, but anything you can do to take care of yourself when you're feeling the grief and anxiety is good.

You're doing great!! xx M