Today was so much better than the past couple!! Turned a corner last night/this morning. Letting go feels good.
Have been letting the pain hit me, not fighting it, and then turning thoughts over to the truth.
What do I miss? Why am I upset that X is with OW? Is there anything in me that wants 'him' back??
I miss the 'security' (idea only IRL) of marriage. I'm upset because she is marrying a very wealthy, established man that I supported for 20 odd years. I do not want him back.
I had the best years with him in the beginning but that person is gone now. I don't miss the chaos he brings into his own life and visits on those who are close to him. I like the freedom to live how I want to live (he was very controlling and judgmental) I like knowing that I don't have to compete with any other woman for his attention.
When I started thinking about it - there wasn't much left at the end that I loved about our life together. It was chaos, there was always an OW or the threat of OW. I did not feel safe in the MR, I frequently felt like he consistently had one foot out of the door.
Glad for the reprieve I've experienced today. That wave hurt. I am ready for the next wave and will remind myself that it will pass and I am well.
ME47 XH44, S28 S24 S19
8/17-BD IHS: 1/17-2/19 D FILED (ME): 7/19 D FINAL: 10/20 M23 T25 OW CONFIRMED: 01/21
Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.
