Through The Storm IV

[may22]

KG,

Presently, I'm shifting my focus on this board to be more of a personal growth and journal of survival for myself. No more trying to fix something clearly broken and that I have no control over. YES to fixing myself and working to nurture my own self improvement.

YAAAAS to this!!! I am completely behind you on this.

I don't think I can do NC. Something about it just doesn't feel right in my soul. Maybe if she were hateful and venomous in the way she interacts with me it would be easier to go NC. Full stop. Maybe that's why I am still pulled to the allure. Not saying it is the healthiest thing for me, but I am trying to find acceptance and peace.

Here's the thing. You know how they say to be thoughtful in which friends/family you confide in, because people that love you just want to see you stop being in pain, and want the WS OUT because of that? I think I fall into that category with you. I'm angry with your ex for hurting you. I have a hard time separating my own pain from seeing you hurt, and just want you to be better, be Gal Godot striding out of the flames on the other side of all this mess. (you will be.)

But. You are a smart, thoughtful person. I believe that you've thought this whole thing through and I support your choices in this. You need to process and deal with all of this in the way that is right to YOU, not to anyone else. So if that means continuing to be friends/friendly while you grow, okay. That is 100% your choice and I support it.

I think the most important part of any of this is to be able to look back and know that you did the right things for the right reasons. So whatever it takes for you to do this in a way that is true to yourself, you do it. I know that I've taken a similar, harder path than I might have, but I did it with my eyes open and a decision that if it was harder this way on me, I was willing to absorb that in order to make it easier on my kids if I could. So I will stop bothering you to go NC... but I might continue to hint that it is healthy and good for you to focus on YOU, and when you sense interacting with her is making that difficult, probably even ignoring a call or text for awhile will help.

xoxo M