My dad. I just can’t figure him out. To be honest with you, this has been one of my biggest emotional struggles lately. I have always put my dad on a pedestal. He was the only one partially present for me . I basically saw him as the most wonderful dad in the world. Even though at 17 he left to be with his affair partner leaving me with a mother who was losing her mind, spiraling down, and getting back into drugs when I was a senior in high school. I left college ( the one he said he would pay for after a year, and lo and behold, I did) and lived on my own. My dad always told me he stayed for my sake as long as he did ( guilt trip) and whenever I mention something about my loneliness and struggles, he says “yeah, that’s how I lived my whole life married to your mom, I know” like he was completely sacrificial in staying for me and I owed him .
His giveth and taketh back I began to realize when I had D13. He was retired and I asked if he could come help once a week so I could get sleep after I worked a night shift . He agreed, but reluctantly. He didn’t want to do it anymore. Then ex left really leaving me in a child care bind because I then had to go back full time and I again asked for once a week, he agreed, then made me feel awfully guilty for it and I couldn’t take it anymore. I decided to leave my job I loved, my safe place, to get more normal hours so I didn’t have to rely on him for anything. Just daycare. And that tumbled into me taking a bunch of jobs that weren’t a good fit because my hands were tied. And this has just been going on with monetary items he wants to offer, but wants to be bowed down to and hold over my head, or reneg on leaving me in a bind. He gets mad when I don’t accept. But I accept and he plays games with me.
Recently they made amends with his wife’s sister. Many years of no talking. Now they are rebuilding their relationship, but they talk behind their backs all the time. It bothers me.
My dad puts on this facade like he lives his life for me . And for that I am indebted.
But I am really truly struggling with not putting my dad on a pedestal anymore and seeing who he really is. It hurts a lot. I’ve been convinced all along he has selfishly given his life for me. But I don’t know about that .it’s hard to realize the one person in your life, the one family, the one adult, is like this. And I question myself all the time if I’m. It being appreciative. I realize once I kind of lost my dad when he lived out, I just replaced who was on the pedestal. I wish I would have put my self on a pedestal instead.
My close coworker has 3 kids and 2 grandkids. Nothing excited this woman more than when her grandkids come over for the weekend while the parents go and have fun. Her and her husband LOVE IT. She puts together a bunch of fun activities, and always does whatever she can for her grandkids and her kids with no expectations of worship or owing or guilt. I am overly appreciative of any nice gestures and help anyone gives me. Even my dad. But it’s getting hard. It’s really wearing me down. And losing him as a “rock” is scary. Because that was the last I had. But I just don’t trust him in that sense anymore. And I am going to take your advice KML and just thank him for the generous gift if I accept and i will only accept if it benefits my daughter . Even if he needs to show me then Bill
What a tough year it’s been. My life has been tough, but this must have been the loneliest rough year I have ever known. It’s taken a toll on me and I feel like I’ve aged 20 years. I really miss the old me .
