Finding the man I want to be, alone. Pack_19 part3

[Pack_19]

hi all!

Thank you so much for the replies! I feel better, I dont think I am out of the woods yet but I will continue working on myself and my relationships with the people who love and care about me.

I woke up today with a PM from W: "Good Morning! I have cut the hair of both kids". I have not replied to this message, but the best is that I dont have pressure or anxiety that tells me I should answer. As I said, 2021 is going to be different, I will make it different. Am I right by ignoring this PM?

I love both of your responses!

Thanks R2C, I am doing my best to enforce boundaries in a healthy and respectful way, it shocks me how hard it is to do it with W and how easy it comes with friends and other external people. Again, detachment must be my goal number 1.

Cut the fat, just say "Email" and hang up. She'll get it eventually.

Hi overrnbw, yes I know I have issues with talking too long, Sandi has pointed this to me many times in the past. I will work on it.

A good priest will tell you that prayer alone won't do it, you must practice it everyday.

I get up everyday and before I have my coffee I review my PIES and my goals, I know it takes a lot of discipline and effort but I always try to think what many people claim in this board, when you change for the better you attract the right people into your life. I pray not to fall on my old habits, both regarding interactions with W and my part in the destruction of the M. I am also working on the inner side of Pack, being a more mature, confident and loving man and accepting many times when I worried about finances or work it is a healthy thing, only one must know how to separate that for any loving relationship you have.

Your self improvement plan looks good. Are you living in Germany then? That's pretty cool.

Not now and honestly I dont think I will be able to come back. I miss Munich a lot, I feel like I did not have the time to enjoy and experience it long enough. I am currently in Seville and I have shared at work my worries about being isolated here and how it can influence my career as I am still young. A more experienced colleague told me we are all currently isolated at home and encouraged me that in the future we will find the way to make it work and not to worry a lot for now. I also want to get rid of the house we were buying there, it is really making me nervous and it ruins my ability to save as much as I need to eventually start over somewhere else. Let's see how that goes!

Good job! In the future just bear in mind that she will always have something to say after your statement.....and that's how she pulls you in to an argument. You can't win with that woman. BTW, what do you mean by "moved on"?

Hi Sandi! Yes I need to learn how to prevent those last responses from affecting me as much as they have done until now. It is good to be ready for them. By "moved on" I meant move on from the conversation. In the past, any conversation I had with her, any interaction always took a huge toll on me, I would spend hours thinking about it and I would eventually send her a reply. I want to remove all of that cr@p from my life.

Grieving takes its time, b/c it's like you have to process how things use to be, and accept they won't ever be exactly the same again. That's not to say your future can't be as good as the past, but it will be different. I'm really proud of you, Pack. It's taken you a long time, but you are becoming the man you were meant to be. My hat is off to you for the effort you put into improving your life, and in yourself as a man. In my book, that makes you successful. You have many good years ahead of you, and I want you to be happy with the man you have become.

Thanks a lot Sandi, I feel like I opened the door to the beginning of the end of this. please continue to help me and I will continue to work on myself and my kids. I will remain focused on my PIES and removing any communication with W for the sake of my detachment.

I am not having a good day today, lots of thoughts about the past, thankfully I will pick up S7 and S2 today and have them home all afternoon. Thank you all, your support means a lot to me.

((hugs)), Pack