I think you are a good person and deserve happiness. I just wish you would get onboard with IC because I think once you process your hurt, you will make some lucky guy very happy, and vice versa!
I know you don’t want to be vulnerable and rehash things with IC, but if you can just dig deep and take that courageous step, I truly think you will experience that freedom you deserve. And ironically, once you deal with your stuff and heal, you will find yourself attracting good men into your life.