You came here to save your marriage, one year timeline, it was all your fault etc....
Now you are pining over a FWB that you slept with a few times and no longer care about your H.
What are you hoping to get out of this website and the advice being offered?
IDK...
Yup... wanted to save my M and told myself I'd give it a year, but I gave up. I completely and totally gave up. It was a lot of work. It was a lot of a pain. It was a lot of NO movement towards me. NONE. Not to mention I'm dealing with some real emotional drama that happened during our M. Icing on the cake is even seeing him this weekend and helping out with the puppy... he still chose to lie to me. What's to want back?
Ultimately when I took my ring off 10/4... I think deep down I knew I was throwing in the towel.
Stepping into the dating world was iffy at best and I made the justification to just get out and see and make connections... get out be active... interact...
I played it off as FWB but it was never designed to be that way... I was dating... and I kept dating this guy because I did like him. I was trying to protect my feelings so I was dishonest here. I really did like him. I thought he liked me. He learned I was only separated on the first date... clearly, he feels I'm not getting D because I've chosen to stuff down my feelings and get through this without anger (I'm on another support group). I'm not looking to create drama or to cement reasons why we are getting divorced but rather come from a place where STBXH can be like - wow, she really has class.
So STBXH will bring the dog to me... I will pet sit for him... I will occassionally have lunch with my MIL and I will be involved with my stepkids in whatever capacity they are comfortable with... THEREFORE, pilot assumed I'm not getting D... because he's been through D and I'm not going through D.
Frankly my dad has been through 3 D's... In my family you are still family. I was home alone when I went into labor with my S19 and I had to call my dad's second XW for a ride to the hospital. I still see and talk to her and she brings her pets to my office. She is the mother of my half brothers. As for my dad's 3rd XW - we (STBXH, me and our kids) still spent Christmas Eve with her and her kids every year after my dad left her. When we would have family Christmas with my dad's family (my dad was in FL) my mother, her husband and I would bring my dad's 3rdXW to our family Christmas... THIS is how we roll in my family.
This is the dynamic I was raised in and the dynamic I want going forward with my STBXH. I am NOT carrying the trauma that he did to me going forward. I accepted. I put it to bed. I will not go back to that.
