Ladies that you so much for all the practical advice. I am determined to go home and disengage as quickly as possible. Yail, I agree with you that the IHS will be emotionally detrimental. It is my biggest concern. Just had this very conversation with my sister this morning. I plan to go in there with an entirely new attitude and to remain as strong as possible.
I will continue to turn to you ladies for support and advice once I return in a couple of weeks.
Be careful thinking that you’re gonna do any of this stuff quickly. It will only frustrate you if your try to rush detachment.
In home separation is very very difficult. It was so difficult and precarious for me, that I question the conventional wisdom of staying in the marital home. For my sanity and safety (and that of my kid) I had to move out during my divorce. I was being emotionally and physically terrorized by my wife. For instance, she changed her affair partner’s text message notification sound to a very distinct ringtone so I would know that she was talking to him every time he texted her. Full volume. My kid heard it. Her kid heard it. I heard it. Everyone knew what it was.
If stuff like that happens to you, leave. Or kick her out. Your safety and sanity is worth more than property.
Breathe. A lot. Look into “4x4“ or “box” breathing methods.
Try not to engage her emotionally. It is essential that you are polite but not “loving” like your instincts suggest you should be. You have to use the store cashier mentality: interact with her like you would the cashier at the grocery store. Polite, courteous, and humane, but succinct and strictly business. Detachment is real work. It does not come easy or quickly.
Good luck. Always remember that there are people here you can lean on for advice or support. You’re not alone.
Last edited by Joe2017; 01/11/2106:14 PM.
Save yourself. Nobody is coming! BD:11/2017 Filed:12/2017 Final: 2/2018
