I read through your sitch and it's VERY similar to mine. My X was involved with someone the whole time and wouldn't be honest about it.
I think there are a couple of different 'types' of people who walk. There is the utter b***rds who burn everything in their wake (Harvey's was one) and then others who are 'sneaky' about it, pretending to be the good guy/girl, hedging their bets and justifying their lack of transparency on the grounds that they're doing it to protecting us and not cause us unnecessary harm. The actions may be different, but the intentions are the same - they are trying to find something that they think is missing from their lives.
I say good luck to them. I hope they find whatever it is they are looking for. Just leave me the f out of it.
I am glad you're turning a corner. With each reveal we cut that rope off a little more until there is only a sliver of it left. You will cry each time you find something out. But each time will be less than the last time until he tells you something, or a friend tells you something, and you realise, actually, you don't care. For me it was finding out that he had taken the children away overnight with his GF - he had only told me about her a month before. They had stayed in the same hotel room with the children. He didn't even have the courage to tell me. One of the children accidentally let slip a couple of days later. I knew there was no respect left for me in him. I was done.
I can't promise that your life will be a bed of roses, but it will be YOUR life. You will make your own decisions based on what is best for you emotionally, physically and financially. And once that lens of 'who we were/who we could be' is no restricting your view, you will see that the world is a be bigger and brighter (ok - not at the moment) than the world you once inhabited with him.
You will be fine Hope. I know it because I am fine and I was a pretty hopeless case.
