DnJ, thanks for you insights on my recent actions toward my H.

97Hope, thank you for your message. For a long time I thought my husband had left the replay stage (he stopped lying to me, got rid of OW1, really depressed etc.) but apparently he'd got back in and now he's deep in it again.
I have always told myself that once this happened again this would be the time to free myself and our children from his crisis as the pain is too huge. That is what I'm doing now.

I have been talking to the children several times. I let them validate their feelings towards him and I always state that they have a choice in how far they are willing to put with his insanity and drinking behavior. They now sometimes tell him to drink less, when they are around. Luckily they are not confronted often, only when he is in the country or on the phone.

Gerda, thanks for your kind words and many thanks for the poetry. I have chosen the name Eagle since from I was a littIe girl I always said that if I had a choice I would become an Eagle in my next life. LOL

So H called children yesterday. He luckily wasn't drunk so I left the house, went to my FIL who lives nearby so they all could have some privacy.
Afterwards all 3 S's gave me the full story.

He said that this would be a very difficult conversation for him since he can't talk about his feelings with them, that this is a very hard thing to do. He explained his decision to go forward with the D to them (same explaination he gave to all the people in the last days).
He started crying and said it is very difficult for him now since it is official and he feels like he is letting us all down.

If you read the above, I can't stop thinking...even towards his children it's all about him, how he feels, how difficult it is for him etc. He only asked in the beginning, "what do you think about the situation...it really s*cks hey"

The children all replied that it is time now, that the situation has taken a very long time and that it is for the best. I have such a wise children!!

Because he couldn't stop crying they asked him to leave it for now and to call back next Sunday and talk further.

I only wonder why he now called everybody with the full explanation. He called all close relatives and even our best friends with whom he hasn't been in touch for a very long time. Is this a seeking for validation, that once he explained why he wants a divorce he can go ahead again with OW2 and everything around that? He cleaned/cleared his mind in a certain way and now he can live his live like he wants to?