My X continues to be a challenge to deal with. I'm looking forward to the remaining aspects of our D to finalize -- unfortunately this is going to take several months because of some heel-dragging going on (plus the pandemic).
Some people have advised that things naturally thaw over the years as a rhythm of coparenting kicks in. I'm not sure that will happen in my case. I have seen her approach other difficult relationships in her life in a similar manner. She is at heart a very insecure person and uses control to deal with her insecurity. This comes across in a lot of ways. Badgering me about parenting constantly, saying negative and untrue or distorted things behind my back (I have many examples with evidence). Enlisting allies with subtle lies such as therapists, friends, family, etc. She has burned down the village so to speak.
I have zero trust. I know that's not a very DB thing to say, but my X has earned it. I may forgive in the future, but I will not trust without evidence it is safe to do so.
I've learned a ton about myself the past couple years. I know my challenge will be to manage the anxiety and stress when it peaks, as I tend to reach a tipping point where it can bring me down for a few days. I know the next couple months will be a high-anxiety period given some things that will naturally happen in our D process. I'm trying to focus on self-care, while also not being hard on myself if I have a tough day or two.
