Mar, I feel for you. Most of us here have been exactly where you are.
When I was really in the thick of my situation I was frantic to find that one "out". The thing I could do or say or even just a single reason for what was happening. And usually that doesn't help. The thinking does keep us in this never-ending loop of a tunnel and it's very hard to get out.
Two things really helped me. Of course we married with the intention of staying together forever. Our spouses did too. I very much doubt they entered the marriage with the thought, "OH, I'll give this the majority of my life and then move-on". That's crazy. But - people change. And it's not bad that they do. You changed, and your W changed and that's a fact. The result is that - at least right now - your W is seeing her path diverging from yours. I don't think it's premeditated, and certainly not intentionally cruel. But seeing your departing spouse as an autonomous being with a life of their own is really key to moving on and seeing this as only a part of your life and not the entirety of your life. When we are in the tunnel we see it as "How could they do this to me". It's framing it as you only come as a duo, there is no other combination possible, and you are the only person suffering in this. I am sure your W is also suffering in her own way, but that doesn't mean she isn't quietly determined to seek out her new path. But know that she isn't doing it to intentionally harm you - the person that has been by her side for the majority of your life. So, the first thing that really helped me was focusing on seeing my XW as a person all in herself - her own hopes, dreams, paths that I had no say in.
The second thing is what I hope will really help you - action. Action for yourself. You can call it GAL but I always just think of that phrase as like "go take a yoga class" or something. For you I think that means redefining your life. Take action on searching for a new job. Take action on finding a new place to live. Add to your research a bit every day, and accept that it's okay to feel a little excited at times over some little things. You get to decorate your new place in a style that is solely based on your tastes, no compromises. You can eat foods that you like that maybe she didn't. Don't get me wrong, I think the little compromises in a relationship are beautiful, but now you get to experience the other side of the coin and be unapologetically selfish with your time. If that gives you a bit of joy take it!
I hope you can make your IHS as short as possible, because honestly I think it is going to be detrimental to your momentum. It is for many people. You'll be in the tunnel of only thinking about your R because it's normal and natural to do so. I think once you are safely in a space (I used that word intentionally) of your own you can emotionally relax, start to process, and start to heal. I say "safe" because you will continue to emotionally suffer while living with her.
In my sitch I had about a year of working through the pain in our marital home by myself while XW had moved. It was good for me in that I had the familiar, but I think I finally truly exhaled when I got a place of my own that was in my name, decorated to my tastes, chosen only by me etc.
You can do all of this without hating XW. You can carry your love forward and honor your marriage and the love you had together. But perhaps you just put it on a shelf for now to be addressed later. Right now you are respectful to her, but focused on you.
