SAM-CAL - thanks for the understanding and lack of judgement.
My life is whirlwind of a hot mess. What pilot wrote to me - I wanted to come from a place of compassion and empathy which I did at first???... then it was a complete downward mess of defending myself AND COMPLETELY oversharing.
Re: the pilot --- since he had not texted I did send this.
ME:I like how you brought out the fun in me. I've never shown up at anyone's house like that ever!!! Or certainly sending out those pics... I'd like to count on your discretion not to share.
I appreciated your patience with my quietness - I can be pretty shy and reserved at first. I'm ISFJ-T.
But, we are both adults and saying something would have been better than just ghosting.
I know you are dealing with a senior fella at home and I hope he is comfortable and doing well.
PILOT: Well thats the first you ever acknowledged my situation at home. Not ghosting. Tired of wasting my efforts. You are a married woman. Inspite of what papers you have. Your husband footed your vacation. Among other ongoing interactions. I've been through a divorce. You weren't going through one. I was tired of lack of communication and no conversation over a meal. Then no acknowledgement of my burdens between work and home. Thise dogs are my kids and are my passion. We have had an incredible journey together. Considering your vocation, your lack of empathy or discussion was disappointing to say the least. I have several other challenges with parents amd work but you had no idea or interest in bringing those out. Sorry but time is a valuable commodity and it has been. It very short supply. Especially this time if the year. I don't know or care what those labels are . I see actions or lack there of.
That sort of surprised me because I frequently started our text conversations asking about his older dog. When he texted me at the end of a long day of flight I always validated that his schedule seems exhausting. Now the week I was out of town I did not ask as much about his dog and I probably should have when we were texting Christmas Day and that he had gotten home the night before asked about how his dogs were/parents were. He just always seemed to be distant and cold BUT I get it... text messages are hard to read as you miss nearly 90%of communication - tone and body language.
I have NEVER in my life ever been told I lack empathy. But also given my profession empathy can be a drained commodity - I had multiple end of life consults. One particular bad one was because the patient was his own worst enemy - he kept eating things he shouldn't. The last surgery was particlarly bad and I had to resect 18" of bowel and I told them due to scar tissue from 2 prior surgeries I'd have to send to a boarded surgeon the next time... well the next time came and owners had to make a hard decision of putting a dog down which was young and otherwise healthy but how many times do you do surgery? They kept him locked up nearly all the time because he could not be trusted to eat things. THAT ONE WAS HARD. I can't discuss this with the pilot because its too close to home - he doesn't want to hear it. I get it. But, don't tell me I don't have empathy. Sometimes we just have to cut it off for our own mental health... my profession is among the top with suicide rates.
I simply responded with "I hear you".
And, then I took 24hr to really thing about what he wrote.... I wish I could say I left it there but I did not. I spilled my guts...
