DnJ, this must have been such a hard time. I don't think I will find so much strength to not show my feelings to him.
Since the e-mail I didn't hear from him for a few days.
Until last Friday night. He called his family to tell them he wants a divorce. That I still mean the world to him, "she is my God" and he still loves me but he can't find it in his heart anymore to give me what I want. (a proper marriage) He wants me to move on with my life since he doesn't love me anymore the way he did. He started drinking the moment he started calling everybody. As I mentioned he can only talk when he drinks since the start of his MLC. First he called his Mother (relationship has never been good with her), then his Stepfather, Father, Brother and last but not least my Parents. He all told them the same story, although to my parents he mentioned he doesn't want a divorce, he wants to be my friend and continu to be married as friends but he sees this is hurting me too much (and this is not what I want) so that is why he asked for a divorce so I can move on with my live. He even mentioned (only to my parents) he can't have S with me anymore...
He also want this to happen in a proper way...his will not act difficult...(will see)
As from the moment it was his fathers turn he started to get drunk, with his brother he was crying and with my parents he told a different story. Seems the booze still controls his feelings heavily.
He then called me, completely wasted, don't even want to mention what he said since nothing of sense came out of him. He even fell asleep whilst on the phone.
I really want to go dark on him so I called him the next morning to tell him the following:
Yesterday evening you called me again in a drunken state. I understand that what you did (calling everybody) was very hard for you but you need to understand that since you've told me you want a divorce something changed inside of me and I now want proceed as well. I need to rebuild a full, happy life again with the children. Since I still love you I need time for my own now to process everything, I can not be your friend anymore. I can't be the shoulder to cry on. So if you call, I won't pick up the phone anymore. If there is an emergency let me know in a different way. In regards to the divorce, once I have the home evaluation report, I will send it to you and you can make a proposition for the financial arrangements. He didn't say much, only yes and I understand in a very submissive way?? I have never had this with him.
Yesterday evening he called one of the kids, drunk again. Seems he will not call me anymore now, but them. He asked what they were doing. S13 was not happy about this.
On Sunday we always skype together normally. I told him I will not participate anymore, so for the first time it will be only him and the children, I will go for a walk I think. They are all nervous as they think he will be drunk again. I sincerely hope for them he is not, but not my responsibility anymore to control this. I will be there for them afterwards if something hasn't gone in the right way.
