Avoiding it and denying it doesn't make it go away. You owe it to yourself, everyone else in your life, and all the people that will be in your life in the future to take care of this the right way. IC. I believe it more than ever that you are suffering from PTSD.
KC, you're a good, successful, and educated person. You deserve the best life that you can give yourself!
Its a different ballgame Steve... Its not denying or avoiding. Its like I never gave it a voice because I didn't want it to exist. Not because I was avoiding it because I did not want people to know and judge me and my situation. And, how do I correlate the good parts of my STBXH with the bad parts. HE HAS A LOT OF GOOD PARTS. Its like not being able to wrap your head around it.
I finally confessed yesterday to my male bff that it occurred. He doesn't know the details but I do know that he went through something similar with his wife. She had trouble with alcohol and was very abusive to my friend and their child. They separated a couple of times. They were going through D but still talking to each other. My bff just wanted her to get help. She committed suicide during the D process.
I'll be talking with my bff later this weekend. Because like me he there were a LOT of good parts. Neither of us believe our spouses are bad people... they just have bad coping mechanisms. I believe that.
I'm still nauseous and light headed discussing this. It seems surreal - like it was a dream or a movie.
