It's really hard to interpret what you're talking about here, it sounds like this text from pilot had some accusations in it? But this is supposed to be a casual FWB relationship, so I don't know why you're laying awake at night trying to figure out how to respond to his accusations, whatever they were. Without knowing the details I'm just guessing, but it sounds to me like he's sort of doing the WAS thing and pushing you away and making excuses that he's doing it because of your actions. Like "how can we be serious when your ex is paying for your vacations" sort of thing. And if so, you don't need to listen, or validate, or explain or anything. You just need to cut him off. Because he's not asking for explanations, he's just telling you why he's done. Just like a WAS.
Yes... [facepalm]... a list of reasons why he is done. Didn't need a response. Didn't need validation. Didn't need me stating my vaca was paid from joint assets... EXCEPT he wasn't done until he felt I was still accepting vacas from STBXH.... So should that be clarified??? UGH, sorry it just makes me angry... like HELLO, I'm not financially dependant on my STBXH
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You forgave it? Or you swept it all under the rug and pretended it never happened and didn't exist? Because forgiveness absolutely does not mean letting him off the hook and it does not mean forgetting it happened.
I used to sweep it under the rug.
I have forgiven.
I'm over it. I want to move on.
I'm not letting him off the hook but I'm not hiding this part of my narrative any longer. Moving on is living my best life and treating him better than he treated me.
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This seems pretty common with victims of abuse. They take the abuse because they are afraid if they don't then it will escalate. It's also common for victims to blame themselves, do you? Because what you are describing above is full blown abuse, and no one "deserves" to be a victim of that. There is nothing you ever could have done to "explain" being treated that way, and if you think you did deserve it on any level then you're still a victim of his abuse.
This was NOT the first episode of road rage. I used to ask him to stop. Begged him to stop. Yelled at him to stop and all it did was ramp him up and then retaliate to me and not just the other jerk on the road. Then he's screaming at me and telling me to STFU. He did these episodes with the kids in the car too....
