Thank you everyone. I am thankful for all of the responses and support.
I did not send that email I had a panic attack last night. I have been talking with a few professionals throughout the past 18hrs.
A quick 2 questions: Can someone help me understand the acronyms or is there a table I can look at? and also, where do I get a copy of the book? (Sorry, I am pretty disorientated right now and just trying to get things together as I start a new job on Monday that I am excited about and have my daughter all weekend. I appreciate the support everyone. I am so glad I posted. I didn't expect any responses and I am taken back.)
I will share my story either tonight or tomorrow but here is a summary: I short, we met on a bus in Mexico 4 years ago. Me (now 47 / her now 36). Long distance dated for a year. She moved out to CO after a year. We got pregnant 6 months later in July of 2018.
We share a 2 year old together so I will be seeing her at least 4 times a week and later today in 4 hours for the first time in a week and since the breakup yesterday.
This past year and a half has been really rough. Obviously Covid hasn't helped - she seems to discount that. More later either tonight or tomorrow.
I wanted to share that based on everyones' advice I may have screwed up again.
I was talking with a friend earlier today and the thoughts came up with - maybe I should own everything? and tell her no pressure to respond.
So I called her and this is what I said: "There is no pressure to respond and I just want you to know that I screwed up and said and did some things that I shouldn't have done.
We were building something new and special over the past 6 weeks and I know we can continue building that.
Take your time, I think this is good for us. Just please don't through this away. And there is no pressure to respond now. If/when you are open to talking about this know that I am here to have the conversation."
She replied: "Joe, you did nothing wrong, I'm just not in love. You deserve someone who loves you and so do I" (she has said this to me back in November.)
I replied: "Lish, I hear and respect what you are saying. I am not trying to convince you of anything. I am only sharing my own opinion and also speaking up for the relationship.
I am confused, you wrote a beautiful letter to me 6 weeks ago that said you love me and wanted to come back and be more for me.
On new years eve you sent me a beautiful text message about how we met and that you love me.
We had a good thing that we were both contributing to, cultivating our new fire together. I felt it and believe it was growing between us.
I know I [censored] up. You don't need to say anything, I'm not expecting a response. If/when you'd like to talk know that I am here."
I can't recall if she said "ok" or some other short goodbye.
