Some days were absolutely amazing... a lot days actually. My STBXH doted on me. He would cook, clean and gave the most amazing pedicures and foot massages.
But, there was a dark side to be dealt with.... There was always an excuse... stress of his XW, the situation with his kids, his job, lack of sleep...
He could be angry and cruel. I've sat in many a restaurant silently with tears running down my face not saying a word due to the way he treated me... and 20min later I was just supposed to be over it and never bring it up again. (its clear why I don't talk much during a meal now???)
He would be angry and yelling and threatening to hurt me all while my son could hear him in another room. My son would call my mother... who would then call the police and come over to pick up my son.
Never an apology. Just things would get better for awhile.
The day he had both hands around my neck I just accepted it - didn't fight back. I blacked that day from my memory - it didn't happen.
My STBXH did start to get involved in a veterans retreat with bff and somehow he shared that even with the bff because he realizes he has a problem... when the bff came to talk to me about it I had no memory of the event. I couldn't figure out what he was talking about... that ended up being a whole other issue.
My family and a couple of friends know of SOME things. NO ONE KNOWS EVERYTHING.
I have forgiven myself for sweeping things under the rug.
Right after my STBXH moved out of the house last spring. I took down the curtains - I have NO bedroom curtains. I love the natural light but its because I'm no longer living in the dark.
I have forgiven my STBXH. It was the only way I could file for D.
