I reposting what I last wrote so its easier to find:
Soooooo.... its been a painful return to life as usual.
I got a very honest text from pilot.
Sure I formulated a response but I did not wan to "defend" or be "defensive" which is hard for me in a way. Sure I'd like to explain my side but when is that defending and and not explaining. I spent 2 sleepless days trying to figure out how to validate and NOT defend. I probably should have come here but frankly I was afraid of being blasted made to feel bad for wanting to follow up period.
I ended up probably sounding really lame with just validating all his points - BUT, I did not elaborate on my D or the statement that my husband footed my vacation. Uhhh... my vacation was funded by joint assests which I paid into. In division of assets my STBXH has to pay this off but he is then giving me this asset. He doesn't want it and really wants me to me using it. THAT is NOT my STBXH footing my vaca... WTH??? BUT, I said nothing.
IDK - should I have?
Its just I've gotten to the point where I've forgiven myself an in turn I've forgiven my STBXH. That's the ONLY way I could file for D and I just forked out another expensive retainer for an accountant for one of the assets which we neither of us know how to place a value.
In so doing this letting go I can look back and see the abuse I suffered from STBXH. The constant screaming in my face, being yanked out of bed, grabbed by the back of the neck, the threats of harm, being told to STFU for the last 5yrs, endless episodes of road rage, my son's forever on medication and my step daughter cuts herself. Yes, police were called to my home more than once.
I've let it go - I forgive it all.
STBXH texted yesterday stating he got a cancellation for a court date he didn't knew he had... I was like I'm not aware of any court date. It was supposed to just be filing the petition of dissolution so maybe it was an error. He confirmed he got the petition. Told him I just sent the check for the accountant that day - he stated ok. That my atty was not doing anything until we had that information. Went on to say that I would not be doing any sneaky court dates and planned to keep him in the loop with everything... he stated sounds good. He then went on to update on the dogs tail. that was probably a 10min discussion back and forth. Ultimately the tail needs to be removed... but we both hate giving up on it.
I'm going through with my D. I can let go of what happened in my M and not hate my STBXH. The texts yesterday did not bother me... I'm over it.
Being ISFT-T... I took on the blame for everything but I never made him choose to get into it on an interstate with heavy traffic with some other dude in a car. Going 80-90mph... sliding between cars when there was no true space... 80mph on the right shoulder of the interstate to pass illegally. This went on for an hour. I sat there in the passengers seat with tears running down my face knowing if I said anything it would escalate the situation.
IDK... maybe I should have come here for help with my reply... maybe if he knew what really happened in my M he would know when I filed... I was done.
