So just had a call with her and am curious what you think about how I did.
She called first, I did not pick up. Called her back 10min later.
We exchanged some niceties, talked about what we did and that it's nice there is snow outside now. Then she mentioned she wanted to talk about an apartment she found to move into (we agreed before that we try to have some distance but that the apartment is an important practicality we need to solve this month and that we both will look what we can find).
The apartment is in the same block of apartments as our current one (I think with a separate entrance). She complained that it is not as nice as ours with an old floor and feels like 20 years older.
I told her that I found so far one other one, but it is very small (bed room and living room are the same room). And as it works in Sweden, taking an apartment means you loose your queuing time for apartments (I currently have over 3000 days) / the more days the better apartments you can find first-hand). Therefore it is not really an option for me.
She sounded a bit annoyed (I NEVER heard her voice tone like this - not super bad but definitely complaining as if she is unhappy in her situation). She asked if it is fine for me if she lived so close and I said that it's fine. It's not like I hate her and don't mind bumping into her. It's good to know she has a save place and is also close to friends (many of them live in the same neighbourhood here).
We talked a bit more about apartments and if she should take it. I said that this is her decision to make and I cannot make the decision for her. She talked about us taking a decision. On which I said again in very calm and kind voice that this is not our decision but hers. And she said in a sad undertone that yes, it is her decision.
Then we just told each other that we hope the other is fine and not too lonely. And she said that it's great that she can call me and we could talk about this and make a decision. And I again said that it is not problem and good to hear her voice, but that this is not our decision.
I might have emphasized that a bit too much, but I think it is important for her to not put that decision as ours - it is her that wanted this and that moved out. I believe that maybe she has second thoughts and feels pushed away (as I was quite distant the months before as well). But I tried to be compassionate while being firm - don't want her to believe I resent or reject her. Maybe that was unnecessary, but it seemed she was annoyed at me so thought to air that a little bit.
