My kids treat XW much the same as S19 is treating his Mom. That is a normal evolution and consequence from what their Mom has done.
Some advice. Do not get it the middle of it. Let S19 and Mom sort out their relationship. You injecting yourself into the middle, with all good intentions, will back fire upon you. Been there. Done that. Please listen. It’s not a fun time! When things go south between son and Mom, and they will, if you are involved you are going to got get blamed from both sides.
Your W is in crisis. She is incapable of empathy. She cannot handle her own feelings never mind anyone else’s. Counselling will be perverted into a justification and reason for why she had to leave and why the family is the way it is. She cannot yet look to herself or her actions.
Your boys can speak with you. They are well balanced and adjusted. It is not them that is having a communication problem. Mom hasn’t spoken to them for months. And much longer since truly speaking with them - stuff like values, life, morals, etc.
The boys are finding their way to incorporate and express their values with what Mom has done. And she doesn’t like it. She is a teenager and is attempting to shift the blame.
Originally Posted by Taz
Is this a good idea? Are we even a family right now?
IMHO, family counselling is not a good idea. And not needed.
You and the boys are family. A strong good family. W is currently not part of that.
I am living a similar situation my friend. My four kids and I are a strong happy healthy family. It was a heck of road to get here, and well worth the effort.
Some inspirational ideas and suggestions for you Taz. Tell your boys about the divorce. They deserve to know. And it will be better for you, honest.
Change your signature line to STBXW. She is not XW yet, but not W either. Be accurate for you. (By the way, I know and empathize with how much that svcks.)
Be Dad. Make your relationship with your boys. Build it stronger and better, everyday. Make it the best you can. (Stop worrying or considering STBXW’s relationship with them. That is their relationship and their responsibility.)
Forgive. Find it. Believe it. Live it.
Stand. Stand for you. I know you have strong moral values. One’s you would die for. Now, do better - live for them!
Living for our beliefs is harder (at first) and way way more fulfilling.
Head up and live tall my friend. Your path is an honourable one. Much respect.
D
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
