I read once in a book that people like to diagnose people that break up with them with depression, MLC, etc. so they have an excuse to continue to love someone who hurt them so bad. After all they are full grown adults who know the difference between right and wrong. They CHOOSE to do what they do knowing they are hurting many people involved.
This is a really interesting point, LH. I would also venture that in addition to using a diagnosis as an excuse for a LBS to continue to love someone that has hurt them so badly, the diagnosis can also help the LBS to externalize the pain. I know that there is a part of me that uses the 'diagnosis' as a way to explain the unexplainable. I know intellectually that H's decisions and actions are not all on me. Of course I played a role in the demise of our M, but not a speck more than 50%. If he is 'in crisis', it helps me on the emotional level to see his projections for what they are (not about me) and find compassion for this person suffering in front of me.
I know there is no right or wrong way to move through this challenging time in our lives (key word is moving through... we all need to move through it one way or another, not stay stagnant) and we all gather the tools we need and take the advice that works for us as individuals in our growth.
Eagle, I love your post, such wise words to live by, thank you so much for sharing.
