I could have been stronger and said nothing but she needed a hug she needed support could see it all over her. And I turned the F around and left her hanging for once in my life. Felt really really really good.
If I'm reading your statement correctly, then you get a star for turning around and walking away from her dramatics. Yes, I could point out some things you shouldn't have said, but if you could find the strength to leave her hanging........then that's great progress in your personal growth.
In the past, you would have seen all of this as an answer to prayer, and you would have totally played into her hands. She was banking on you leaping for joy when she told you she kicked OM and his family out of her house, and had the audacity to say she wanted you to move in with her. Fair warning, Steve, she's not going to give up so easily.......but you are thinking about what's good for Steve and growing some b@lls. This doesn't mean you are selfish, it just means you are shedding the scales that have been over your eyes.......and you are fed up with her.
In the days to come, I want you to remember how good it felt when you turned around and left her hanging. You felt like a man for the first time in a long time. You were not putty in her hands. Use your own post about that day as a reference point when you have moments you want to cave.
This action was and will continue being the best thing for everyone. It's exactly what needs to happen when dealing with a wayward W. She will have to be convinced that you are no longer interested in her. She will have to be convinced that she's lost you, and you're not going to be her backup plan anymore.
Instead of thinking you are the loser.........turn it around and see that she is losing YOU. Currently, she still believes moving back with her temporary fix for her unpleasant experience of giving a home to OM's kids and mother. She doesn't want to work on herself.........she just wants to be rescued from a situation that didn't produce the results she wanted. She doesn't see that it's not that simple anymore, b/c it always work for her in the past......until she had the next affair. She has caused permanent damage, and she can't just pick up where she left off in a relationship. She's affecting lives, but she's too messed up to see or care.
You are like a diabetic who is craving sugar. You know it can kill you, but you still want it. So, what should a diabetic do? They learn how to manage their life with healthy choices......or suffer the consequences. They have to maintain a regiment of diet, activity, medication, rest, etc. See what I'm saying? They can't take just one shot of insulin and expect it to last for the rest of their life. It is a matter of maintenance. It's not fun, but their life depends on it.
((hugs))
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
