Steve, if I'm reading the timeline right your W's "epiphany" was on Christmas day or right before. First of all, ACTIONS matter not WORDS. What do her ACTIONS say? She told you she wanted OM gone and for you to move in with her (words), then the next day she posted pics of her and OM on Facebook (actions). So clearly her actions are at direct odds with reconciling. Second of all, people go through all kinds of feely emotions at Christmas-time. They miss their family activities. Her utterly worthless words may very well have been a result of some -temporary- feelings she was going through due to the holidays. You really should continue as if she had never said any of it. It should be water off a duck's back to you.
If she persists with these type of comments, your response should NOT be "well let me think about that" or "that sounds good but this and this need to happen." DO NOT BE WISHY WASHY. Be firm, confident, resolute. Your response should be "No, I am not interested in a relationship with a cheater." PERIOD. Don't negotiate with a terrorist. At this point there is only one path you should even remotely consider to recon and it is this- she's got to change, and she's got to show you change consistently over a long period of time. Months if not a year or more, and that has to happen BEFORE you go out with her a single time. Months of her working on herself, going to therapy, doing some soul-searching, not dating, focusing on being a fantastic mother, repenting of her ways. IF you see months and months of real change, THEN you might consider going out. And I absolutely do not mean "let's move in together and start dating" as she suggested, that is beyond absurd. I mean you maintain your own separate lives and go out with her once a week to see where things go.
Steve, like an addict you need to go through withdrawals and recovery. Right now you're still addicted to her, you need to wean yourself off. The only way you can do that is to go as dark as you can, keep all discussions to kids and bills. Once you recover, THEN you can determine if you want a R with her, and I have a strong feeling you will say "nope".
Originally Posted by Steve_
To her this is some sick game, some oops I messed up on this OM, it’s okay my H will take care of me until I find next OM. I just wanted to post that I’m seeing it now. I thought there was something I did that caused this, that if I stopped doing it this could change. I just finally see that isn’t the case. That’s all it is.
You should print this out and keep it in your wallet as a reminder! You are exactly right.
