WAW w/Exit Affair or WW? - Don't Want Divorce (2)

[BL42]

sandi2,

What she does on her parenting time is none of your business. I know it is a very bitter pill to swallow, but unless the law is being broken or child services need to investigate the mental/physical welfare of the children........nothing will be done. Even your lawyer said there is nothing. It stinks, but it's all part of this type of horrible sitch.

I've accepted the relationship/marriage part of the sitch at this point but definitely still coming to grips with the child rearing aspect - definitely a tough pill to swallow.

BL42, having a conversation with your WW about this subject will basically give her a "one up", b/c she knows you can't control her side of the street.

My L said exactly the same thing. Similar to when her attorney sent a letter threatening arrest and we ignored it, a communication from me or my attorney would have the same toothless effect, and would give her power / a win.

There's a more important reason for not telling her the kids told you, and that's b/c she'll threaten them about ever discussing what goes on in that house. Then the kids will feel they can't trust you to not report what they've said. Bad idea, in IMHO.

I've been very mindful about not betraying trust with the kids. S5 has opened up more to my mom, and we're careful not to have her betray his trust so he'll continue to see her as his "safe person", and S5 & D2 slipped up to me about OM2 but I'd never tell W or any of her family for exactly the reason you point out. I am. however, concerned W has already been telling the kids to be secret about things for quite awhile because of the amount of time it took them to mention something. That's not right, but as you say...nothing I can control.

We see this a lot on the board, so you aren't the only dad having to accept that co-parenting and discussing the children does not include her lack of moral standards. If OM doesn't cause a threat to the kids, the law will do nothing and you come out looking like a pathetic controlling fool.......instead of a caring father. Let it go. Focus on what goes on when you have the kids, rather than when she has them. Don't you know they go back telling her how much fun they had with Daddy, and that they didn't have to share his time with someone else (like their mom does)? The kids don't talk about it to hurt the parent, it's just how kids are........and they do it in both houses. One thing they don't need is for a parent to drill them about what was said by the other parent. Know what I mean?

((hugs))

In terms of controlling what I can, not to brag but I am crushing it on the parenting end. I've been flexing out of work to spend the maximum amount of time with them and having a lot of fun. I'm definitely making the kids my #1 priority.