Wayfarer- it will be a difficult conversation to have....S12 I feel like holds his dad on a pedestal a little bit (thank goodness only him out of the three), so it will probably be difficult for him to accept that his dad is a flawed person. I think you’re right, I don’t need to be so blunt to say that their dad is an alcoholic, but just talk to them about things to watch out for and how to handle a hypothetical situation may be enough.
I am a little scared that you said this could be the tip of the iceberg. ExH has always been a high functioning alcoholic, so I never imagined that it could be worse than what it has been throughout our M. But last weekend when he was helping us with the move, he forgot something at his place and I offered my car for him to use, I sensed that he was hesitant about driving. (He usually takes a cab around the city). And then often times he would “fall asleep” for awhile when he has the boys (so far he’s able to keep them fed). How fast could the downward spiral be?? I’m not even talking about the other parenting issues- he put on John Wick for the kids to watch once, I heard from the kids and I was like “what?? That movie is extremely violent!!” The kids said “dad said he picked a censored version (?!?! Who knows)” Anyways. It sure takes a lot of patience and self control for me to let him do his own thing and have his own relationship with the children. I control what I can control.
