I was trying to determine the reason behind the note. Was it to acknowledge the pain she must have felt at losing her husband? Or was it to open the door to the possibility of a new relationship with you? The former is empathy, the latter is not.
Would you have contacted her if you hadn’t seen the obituary and realised her husband had passed away? There’s a difference between “My old friend is grieving, I wonder if she’s doing alright” and “My old friend is single, I wonder if she’s open to dating me”.
She’s obviously okay with your approach, so congratulations on your newfound happiness. I, too, wonder what motivated you to start posting here if you’d already started a new relationship and weren’t trying to save your marriage.
Scout, OK, since you are still interested I will go a bit deeper.
First, this has happened to me over the years. Beginning in my mid-30s, to as recently as 2018, maybe 3 or 4 old girlfriends reached out to inquire about me. All of the outreaches were quite innocent although I'm certain they weren't just interested in my health. They had become single themselves and were just wondering about my status. I can hardly blame them for trying. None of them were obnoxious or obsessed. Each found out I was happily married and never reached out again. I told my wife each time, showed her the letter or email.
I would never have reached out to Sally with that letter if she was still married. Never. Even if I was unhappy in my marriage, I would not have crossed that line.
My primary motive wasn't "I wish I wish that we can go back to what we had." I didn't know what she looked like, what her health might be like, how wounded she might be after 30 years of her own marriage. But I did have to know. Even if it meant a quick dinner date that ended without a hug or a "call back next time you're in town."
As for your final question, I started posting here because I still needed answers. I said a moment ago in a previous post how I found Michelle. Even if I am married 12 months from now, I still need some healing, some renewal, some positive changes in who I am. I'm pretty sure I said within my first few posts that I thought my marriage was hopeless. I'm guessing that as long as I am in therapy I will still be here on DB exploring things.
