I completely agree with you. When I would ask my wife what she wanted in the future she would say “I don’t think like that” or “I don’t set goals.” It made it hard to builds a life together. I planned all our trips and vacations, all our dates, everything. I struggled to get her to speak up and she would often say she didn’t have a voice. It was a struggle.
This was my life! This was/is my H, and it was so frustrating to get him to express his thoughts, dreams, etc. Guess what? That part of him never changed. I wanted to have deep and meaningful conversations.......and he didn't. I had to accept that part of him. So, I get what you are saying.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
