LH likes to say I'm a narcissist. But, I know 100% that I am not. (
KK I don't say it to be mean its a sense I get from your posts. My father and Aunt are narcissist's so I know the signs. Lots of self absorption, manipulation and control in your posts. Like AS said you definitely could benefit from professional help and the fact you won't pursue it is another sign. After all narcissist's believe they are never wrong and don't need help.
