KC, I just caught up on the last couple of weeks worth of posts. It really strikes me that all of the exact same obsessive behavior you were showing towards H is now being directed at pilot. Remember how H would say something and you'd post paragraphs of analysis of what he said (no matter how brief), how he said it and the half dozen different things it could mean? Now you do the exact same thing with pilot. You've simply replaced one target for all your relationship angst and paranoia with another. I'm starting to wonder if this is something that predates BD. Maybe this is just how you've been for a long time, and maybe that's one of the reasons your H had enough. I don't know, but it's something to think about.
I think the best possible thing for you right now is to suspend dating and start therapy. A lot of people that come here don't really need therapy, I mean it can always be helpful but they are really going through the grief process more than anything else. But you have bigger issues, issues that we can't help you with here. You need professional help, and I don't see it as an option for you, it's a necessity. If you keep spiraling you may find yourself engaging in ever-more damaging behavior.
