You did great on waiting so long to have an R talk with your W. Based upon what you have written above, your W has given you some really clear information. W expressed she is worried about an IHS and you are too. It doesn't sound like a situation that will set either of you up for success. It will take a while to integrate and process this conversation, but as you have a month until you return, may I make some suggestions to help you when you do return home?
Get as many ducks lined up as you can right now. Find a rental now (perhaps a room in a house with another person so you have a soft landing?). Start looking for a job now. Make sure you have IC set up for when you get back, maybe even 2 x a week to start off with. I know you had a terrible experience with your previous MC, and lots of therapists are doing zoom calls, so you might even be able to establish care and/or interview people from your home country. Get those GAL opportunities on the calendar now. Find a yoga studio that's open, a meditation class online or a LGBTQ divorce support group that is 'meeting' virtually for now. Doesn't even have to be in your town! Make plans to visit friends (you have one out of state that you visited earlier in your sitch, right?) Find volunteer opportunities that you can participate in during COVID (whether virtually or safely in person)
Basically, you don't want to land and have every spare minute of your time available to focus on your W. The busier you can be, the better, from day one.
Keep posting, we are here for you!
xx Sage
Sage,
Thank you so much for your response. I have given myself another month precisely because I do need to take the time to process our conversation. It hurt like hell to hear her say again that she no longer wants to be married. All of your suggestions are terrific. I have been contemplating all of this and just trying to figure out what I want. I am still debating the following:
1) Biggest and toughest decision: where do I want to live? Remain in my home state where I was born and raised or move to my native country where my parents, sister and brother are currently living. I have vacationed here my entire life but have never lived here and it would be a drastic life style change. If I chose to move here than my career options will be seriously limited. 2) Figure out a way to earn enough money to either stay in the states or move here.
Regardless of the decisions that I make my entire life will be drastically altered.
Right now I am concentrating on detachment. I have read the detachment thread (https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2538414#Post2538414) over and over the past couple of days. I need to figure out a way to let her go and stop fantasizing that she will wake up one day and realize that she is making a big mistake. I know it is never going to happen.
