Hi Mar, so good to hear an update from you! It sounds like the time away has been really supportive for you and I am happy you made the choice to leave for this time period.
Originally Posted by Mar252
She reiterated that our marriage is over, she cannot give me what I want and just wants to concentrate on working on herself but she also said she wasn't ready to make a final decision about divorce. Said she wasn't giving herself a timeline and was just taking it one day at a time. Told me it was completely up to me to decide how I wanted to move forward with my own life. She also expressed concern about the in-house separation. I validated as best I could. Told her that I will respect her feelings and decision despite the fact that it is not what I want. Agreed that I would permanently move into the spare bedroom until I was ready to move out.
You did great on waiting so long to have an R talk with your W. Based upon what you have written above, your W has given you some really clear information. W expressed she is worried about an IHS and you are too. It doesn't sound like a situation that will set either of you up for success. It will take a while to integrate and process this conversation, but as you have a month until you return, may I make some suggestions to help you when you do return home?
Get as many ducks lined up as you can right now. Find a rental now (perhaps a room in a house with another person so you have a soft landing?). Start looking for a job now. Make sure you have IC set up for when you get back, maybe even 2 x a week to start off with. I know you had a terrible experience with your previous MC, and lots of therapists are doing zoom calls, so you might even be able to establish care and/or interview people from your home country. Get those GAL opportunities on the calendar now. Find a yoga studio that's open, a meditation class online or a LGBTQ divorce support group that is 'meeting' virtually for now. Doesn't even have to be in your town! Make plans to visit friends (you have one out of state that you visited earlier in your sitch, right?) Find volunteer opportunities that you can participate in during COVID (whether virtually or safely in person)
Basically, you don't want to land and have every spare minute of your time available to focus on your W. The busier you can be, the better, from day one.
