I am usually over on the MLC forum, but pop over here to catch up on Newcomers (I was one not too long ago) and I have to say that your story is absolutely heartbreaking. There are lots of stories on this board, lots of different relationships and dynamics and people, but yours is really hard to read, my dear.
You don't deserve to be treated this way. You have at no point in your relationship deserved to be treated this way. And from an outsider's perspective, no amount of good your H does can atone for what he has put you through.
It makes me sad that you believe that moving to another place will allow for a fresh start and a new R. Your H hasn't shown any difference in his behavior towards you since you were just dating. I don't believe a new space will change his behavior. I also don't believe that the presence or absence of certain people will change his behavior. Your story shows a consistent theme thus far and that theme is that your H feels entitled to treat you however poorly he wants to, whenever he wants to. That is no model for a child to witness.
I know this is so easy for me to say, a stranger across the internet who is not living in your shoes and doesn't know every detail. I know that these processes take time. That we all integrate as much information/change as we are able to handle at the time. But just let me echo other voices (including your own internal voice) that tell you 'this is not ok'.
There was someone who posted on this forum years ago, her name was Vanilla. She was in a similar position as you (but no children) and through her threads you witness her realization that what she was experiencing was not just a bad marriage, but was actual abuse. Here's her first thread if you are interested in reading her story (she no longer posts here):
