Hey DRH! Just wanted you to know that I responded to your post on my thread. Sorry you are experiencing this mess. You mentioned on my thread that you accepted your part of the breakdown in the MR. I just wanted to add that a wayward W usually blames her H for her unhappiness, and even blames him for her getting into an affair. However, the truth is that she chooses to cross that line, and nobody made her.
I don't think anyone is a perfect H or W. Learn from your mistakes (don't repeat them), and move forward. Don't take responsibility for the complete failure of the M, or for her wayward actions, b/c she has free will and is showing it before the world. It does no good to try and shame her. At the moment nothing else is more important to her than getting her emotional fix from OM. It's very difficult to understand her thinking, b/c it's so insane.
One day, her eyes will probably open as the result to a painful loss. Although you can already see several things she has lost.......those particular things were not the big eye opening loss. You may never know what the loss is, b/c she may never admit it to you. It may be several years away, but I believe it will come. Now please understand that just if her senses return, it doesn't mean the two of you will get back together. She may be in another marriage, or she may move on to OM#3 or 4, who knows! The important message I want you to take to heart is that you are able to close the book on this M if the D goes forward. Yes, you'll have the kids between you, but that type of relationship is completely different. You can be happy again, and even fall in love again (not rushing). I know you are suffering now, but please believe that your life is not over, even if your emotions feel it is. These days, a guy in his early 40's is just getting ripe. So, mourn the loss of this M, and just remember that better days are in your future.
Don't stand in her way. Protect yourself, and take very good care of DRH.
So, mourn the loss of this M, and just remember that better days are in your future. 
