In my logical part of my brain I know this.... Its my emotional part of the brain that rejecting the rejection.
Try being a woman for a bit LH... LOL. Our logical brains are heavily influenced by our emotional brains. That's not the case with men. That's a scientific fact.
And Ginger... before you chime in about how you are woman and blah blah blah.... LOL!!! Its easier to be on the outside looking in than being in the thick of the fog. You can tell me to move left, move right, go straight 50ft. You have to be able to absolutely trust the person telling you how to get through the smoke when you can only see 2ft in front of you... its hard to let go of what you brain is telling you makes the most sense and listening to someone who is trying to guide you to safety. I'm listening to EVERYONE. Its just my brain is kicking in telling me what the "right" answer is....
One day at a time
More admissions. More justifications, rationalizations, and excuses. There is no problem in having issues. The problem is when you refuse to do what you need to do to work on the issues. Your efforts so far (reading, videos, etc) haven't been working. Your R history, including with the pilot, are a direct reflection of that. You'll continue this cycle for the rest of your life until you deal with the underlying issues, instead of finding the next bandage to apply to the outward symptom.
Nothing you haven't heard before, I guess at this point I should just stop trying.
I accept my behaviors and understand them... I am looking inward more than you know. I'm honest and put my struggles out there to be judged. I vacillate from day to day from hour to hour.
I understand completely the difference between my logical brain and my emotional brain... I understand my choices and regrets are being driven by emotional brain.
Its going to take time to rewire that said brain - not going to happen overnight. It get and understand that no matter how many books, videos, etc or IC I do.... time is the component.
My path to healing is not yours and yours is not mine.
I see tremendous progress.
Am I still making mistakes. Of course. True changes takes time.
Please know the most important step in all of this is that I accept myself for where I am right now - mistakes and all. I think that's a big step toward self love and I was no where near this 6mo ago.
